Sidekicks
by Gregg Landsman
Summary: With Videl bedridden with the flu, the Great Saiyaman finds himself in desparate need of a sidekick.  And finds that the choices are his family.  New chapter up, and the sidekick is....Krillin!
1. Default Chapter

DBZ and all associated characters belong to someone else. All I know is from Funmation and some friends off MSN. I take no profit from this, just enjoyment. Enjoy, then.

Little comedy where Gohan, the Great Saiyaman, has to substitute some sidekicks. Enjoy.

****

Sidekicks

8:00 AM. Son Gohan residence.

Son Gohan, graduate student, former world savior, and moonlighting superhero, paces until he burns a tract into the rug his mother bought him as a housewarming gift for both him and his fiance, Videl Satan.

His fiance, who is now in bed, coughing and sneezing and sniffling.

He sighs, running from the living room and into the bedroom, sitting at the bedside as the black-haired woman blows her nose into the tissue.

He takes her hand, squeezing it affectionately, looking at her with puppy dog eyes.

She looks into his eyes, her own bloodshot, exhausted, and a small stream of snot trailing down from her nose.

"No," Videl says, weakly, "Gohan, I can't go out tonight."

"I can call Dende. He can heal you."

"I'm sick because patrolling the city with you is exhausting me," she moans, "I need to relax. I need a week, at least a week, to rest up and then we can go out beating up criminals together, again."

"But, Honey, the raid is tonight," he says, on the verge of whining, "I've been planning this out for weeks. I can't do this alone."

"I'm sorry Gohan, but you'll just have to find a new sidekick for tonight. I'm in no condition to go out fighting."

He sighs, hanging his head.

"Okay, Honey," he says, "I gotta get to class, then. Do you need me to get anything for you?"

"No, no," she says, and lays back, "I'll be fine. I can make myself some tea or soup if I need it. You go get one of your friends and have some fun fighting crime tonight."

"Alright," he says, and leans in, pecking her on the forehead, "Call me if you need me?"

"Alright, hon."

He sighs, burying his hands in his pocket, and walks out of the bedroom. He grabs his briefcase, throwing on his jacket, and opens the door.

"Hi, Gohan!"

He jumps back at the sheer volume of the greeting, losing his footing and falling flat on his ass.

He looks up…

And sees his father, Son Goku, standing in the doorway, smiling in his trademark bright orange gi.

"Dad!", he says, "What are you doing here?"

"Chi Chi wanted me to check up on you and wanted to know how Videl's doing," he says, "I just thought I'd stop by."

Gohan sighs…

And an idea comes to mind.

"Dad," he says, standing up, "Videl's sick."

"Okay."

"And that means she can't help me do my…job…tonight."

"Job?"

"My 'other' job."

"Which other job?"

Moments like this make Gohan realize how much he inherits from his mother.

He pulls his father through the door, closing it.

"Dad," he says, "I'm the Great Saiyaman."

"You are? Cool!"

"You know that already."

"Right, I do."

"And Videl's my sidekick."

"She is?"

"She is. I told you that, to."

"You did?"

"I did."

Second thoughts creep into Gohan's mind. He knows, more than ever, that he will regret what he's about to do, somewhere along the line.

"Dad," he says, "How would you like to be my sidekick, tonight?"

"Would I! That's great! When?"

"Tonight," he says, "Alright…um…Bulma designed my costume, so you can tell her the situation and she'll make you one of your own, alright?"

"Alright!"

"Then get over to Bulma's place and she'll fix you up!"

"You bet!", Goku says…

And promptly flies through the ceiling.

"Gohan?", Videl asks, weakly, "What was that?"

Gohan sighs, holding his head.

"The beginning of my nightmare…"


	2. Night 1

Night 1:

7:30 pm. Capsule Corporation

Gohan lands at the entrance to the house occupied by the Briefs family, taking off his suit jacket in anticipation of his nightly patrol through the city as the Great Saiyaman.

_Dad will be a great sidekick. Depending on how this works he might even replace Videl as my sidekick. I could use the help, and being on an equal level with my sidekick could be a great idea._

Which is when the thought hits him.

_What's his name going to be?_

He sighs, shrugging, and knocks on the door.

Bulma Briefs opens it, looking him over for a moment.

"Done," she says, "I think you'll like it."

"Got Dad a costume?"

"Yep. I designed it myself, with Chi Chi's help."

"She helped?", he asks, "She wasn't too…approving…when I struck out on my own."

"Oh…she contributed a few…things."

He could swear she was trying not to laugh.

He shakes his head, burying his hands in his pockets as she leads him into the main living room of the massive house, where a set of curtains are set up at the end, by the door into the rest of the building. Trunks is standing by the curtains, a self satisfied look on his face.

"Where's Vegeta?", Gohan asks.

"Oh, in the gravity chamber," Bulma responds, "He tried to help us give Goku a sidekick name."

"And?"

"Well," Trunks says, plopping down on the couch, "I liked 'That Third-Class tailless bas-"

"Trunks!"

"Sorry, Mom."

Gohan looks from the purple haired boy and back to the curtains.

"Alright," he says, "Let's see'im."

"Very well," Bulma says, walking over to the robe by the edge of the curtains, "Then let me present…The Crimson Avenger!"

She pulls the rope, and the curtains part.

And standing there is Goku.

In one of Chi Chi's red house dresses and pants. With the padding from one of Vegeta's saiyan armor's, painted red, over his chest, and with a pair of red goggles.

Gohan swallows, clamping his hand over his mouth, as he backs away.

"Excuse me," he chokes, backing out of the room and closing the door.

And promptly collapses to the floor in laughter.

"Alright. You know the rules and how we operate. We're not fighting, we're superheroes. There's a fine difference between say, facing Cell and facing a common criminal."

"Right. We don't hit them as hard."

Gohan nods, smiling. Already he's changed into his black bodysuit and green tunic as the Great Saiyaman, as well as his white turban and sunglasses/miniaturized scouter.

He knows that Goku's costume is a joke set up by Bulma. Given, with Dad's completely filled out form, it looks impressive…

But he just knows it was Bulma having fun at his father's expense. He's gonna really have a talk with her about this at some point. Sure, taking advantage of the simple minded is funny…

Well, yeah. It's just funny.

"Alright. Let's go, Crimson Avenger."

Complete silence, as Goku stares ahead at the city from atop the building they landed on.

"Crimson Avenger?"

Silence.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Gohan?"

"Dad, when I say, Crimson Avenger, I mean you."

"Oh. Okay."

It's times like this where Gohan is thankful for the many gifts he inherited from his mother.

"Alright, let's get going," Gohan says, "If you can, don't go Super Saiyan. I have the turban over my hair, but if you go Super Saiyan they could recognize you from the tournament. That could blow our cover."

"Alright. Anything else?"

"No Kamehamehas."

"Why not?"

"Defeats the purpose if we accidentally blow up the planet."

"Right. I got it."

Gohan closes his eyes, a blue aura rising about him before disappearing, Goku doing the same.

"Then follow me," he says, and takes off, his father following him.

Videl sighs, sipping at her miso soup as she listens to the almost harmonious, exasperated yelling from the other end of the phone line.

"Well, I certainly didn't have a hand in the decision but I think it's a great idea," she says, "Gohan doesn't spend nearly as much time as he should with his father. I think he still blames himself for getting him killed. Twice."

Some more yelling from the other end, as she takes a cup of ginger ale from the night table and sips it.

"Mrs. Son, I think it's perfectly acceptable," she says, "Gohan had the same type of childhood and he's up for Mensa membership in America. I can't see Goten being nearly as violent or disruptive as you say Goku could…"

She listens to the explanation of the past week's activities.

"Oh…oh my Dende, he _did?_"

Another explanation from the other end of the phone.

"I'm sorry," she says, "I'll tell Gohan when he comes home."

She turns off the phone, eyes wide open in shock.

"I never knew anything could make that noise. That poor cat."

A four-story warehouse sits at the outskirts of the city, beneath the attention of most of the government. Inside, low lives of various trades and types gather, conducting arms deals, drug trades, gambling activities and planning payoffs to the local law enforcement.

When the skylight crashes open, and two people descend…

"It's the Great Saiyaman!", one of the varied hoodlums yells, "Run!"

The Great Saiyaman blurs, and the doors at all ends of the warehouse lock, a flash of light fusing all the locks.

"Alright, Crimson Avenger!", he yells, "Let's go!"

This is the part of the night that Gohan just loves. He's long since tamed his animal nature into an enjoyment of making low lives squirm and putting the fear of Dende into them. Sure, it's kind of cruel, but those who take profit or pleasure from hurting others need to be taught a lesson.

He kicks off his right leg, letting it propel him, half flight, half inertia, straight into one of the criminals as he draws a handgun, knocking the gun from his hand and an elbow into his gut knocking him out.

Four behind him open fire.

He turns, snatching the bullets out of the air and dropping them, four timed ki blasts down the barrels of the guns rendering them useless and blowing shrapnel into their owner's hands.

He blurs, running up behind another before they can pull the trigger and grabbing the gun out of his hand, tossing it away and cold-cocking him.

Meanwhile, he sees Goku standing there as they fire at him…

And the bullets reflect off his skin. A bullet goes straight into his forehead, between his eyes, flattening against his forehead and dropping to the ground.

_That explains so much…_

Goku looks down, and screams as he sees the bullet holes in the dress.

"Oh no!", he yells, "This is Chi Chi's favorite dress! She'll be really angry now!"

One criminal lumbers in, in a blue metal, 12' tall exosuit, swinging a massive arm at Goku…and not moving him an inch as he tenses, gritting his teeth.

"Dad!", Gohan yells, cupping his hands over his mouth as a megaphone, "They're hitting you! That means you can _hit them back!_"

Goku starts growling, his aura coming into existence and the ground rumbling.

"They shot Mom's dress!", Gohan yells, and quickly runs behind a support column.

Goku screams, every window in the warehouse breaking and everyone covering their ears.

He turns, as the man in the exosuit's eyes go wide, and punches the exosuit, sending it careening through the air, through the wall, through three other warehouses and out somewhere into a park, where it subsequently breaks apart and the driver falls onto his ass and starts to cry.

Gohan peaks his head out from behind the column as Goku continues screaming in rage, his muscles bulging, his aura turning to gold as his hair straightens and lengthens.

Goku just became a level 3 Super Saiyan. Just out of anger of what they did to Mom's dress.

Even Gohan can't follow it as his father takes them apart like a cheap watch, ripping apart guns, tearing apart crates and reassembling them around the criminals as makeshift prisons, and tearing apart new exosuits the moment they activate.

"I'll say this much," he says, "Bulma knows her superheroes."

Goku reappears at the center of the warehouse, the remaining, unimprisoned criminals on the floor, backing away…

And Gohan runs in front of his father, holding his arms out.

"Okay!", he says, "Crimson Avenger, we're done!"

Goku's aura fades away, and his hair turns black again.

Gohan sighs in relief, and turns to the criminals. Who promptly take out handcuffs from one of the crates and handcuff themselves.

"They still ruined Chi Chi's dress," Goku says, "She's going to be angry."

"She'll understand," Gohan says, realizing the lunacy of his words, "We'll get it patched up and she'll be fine."

He turns to the criminals.

"Call the police or I make him mad again."

One of them nods, taking out a cell phone and dialing 911. And they fly out the window, Goku still muttering about repairing Chi Chi's dress.

Videl looks up as Gohan walks in, slumped shoulders, back in his slacks and white shirt.

"How was your night out?"

"Oh, fine," he says, sitting next to her on the bed, "Went pretty…smooth."

"You're home early. When we do a raid we're not back until one. It's barely eleven o'clock."

"Yeah…that was something."

"What was?"

"They tore up Dad's…costume. And he went nuts and pretty much did the job for me."

"His costume? I didn't know your father was fashion conscious."

"You'd be surprised."

He lies back on the pillow, closing his eyes.

"Your mother called," Videl says, handing him the phone, before blowing her nose.

He sees the look in her eye. And takes a wild guess what the conversation would be about.

_Looks like I'm getting a new sidekick, tomorrow…_

He sighs, closing his eyes, and falls asleep, muttering something about buying his mother a new dress…


	3. Night 2

Night 2:

4:00 pm, Capsule Corporation.

Gohan whistles to himself as he walks up the walkway to the house's door, knocking on it and checking his watch.

He slept late, so he couldn't take care of this in the morning. So now he has to ask Bulma if she has any ideas of potential sidekicks for him for at least this night. He's hesitant to ask Piccolo, and his approaching Yamcha was…less than optimistic.

"_No! No no no no no! Anytime you ask me to do this it ends up with me getting killed, getting a hand impaled through my chest or be being beaten half to death by a blue midget in Styrofoam armor! I'd like to go a year without having to wait for you to get the dragonballs so I can get back to the living so Vegeta can steal my girlfriend and I can play second fiddle to Chao-tzu!_"

Yamcha then hung up the phone, predictably. Although he just had the image of him, foaming at the mouth, and then banging his head into a support column.

He sighs, knocking on the door again…

And in the field behind the house, something explodes.

"The Hell…", he mutters, and flies over the house, landing…

And sees the smoking remains of the Gravity Chamber.

And a black, spikey haired man standing by it, loudly swearing.

"Vegeta," Gohan says, landing, "What the Heck just happened?"

Vegeta only swears louder…and the back door to the house opens, a fuming Bulma storming out.

"Vegeta!", she yells, "You blew up the gravity chamber _again?!_"

"I can't help it if you can't make something suitable for me!", the Saiyan prince barks, "So repair it and improve it so I can continue training!"

"The hell I am!", she bellows back, "I'm not repairing it until you can go one day without wrecking it!"

"I am giving you an order!"

"I ain't one of your subjects, Mister! You want it back, _you_ fix it this time!"

Gohan clears his throat…and they both turn, glaring at him.

Vegeta turns his back to him, as Bulma, takes deep breaths, calming down.

"Gohan," she says, "How can I help you?"

"My mother found out about Dad being my sidekick."

"And?"

Goku yells out, cowering in the corner as the enraged Son Chi Chi whacks him over the head with a frying pan, Goten, their second born son, watching from the couch.

"How dare you go out and go fighting with my son!", she screams, "He has to be an example! You have to be an example! You can't go out and brutalize people and not expect them both to grow up like that!"

"Gohan's a scholar!", Goku yells out, in both desperation and apology, "He's still a scholar and he asked me!"

She stops, for a moment.

"That didn't mean you had to accept!", she yells, and continues whacking him with the frying pan.

"She was less than supportive," Gohan says, and sighs, "Look, I need a new sidekick for tonight. It looks like a standard patrol, but things can happen and quite frankly, I can't be in two places at once if it hits the fan."

Bulma nods, pursing her lips in thought.

"She can get back to you later," Vegeta growls, "First she has to fix the gravity chamber."

"Fine," Bulma snaps, "Vegeta, you're going with him!"

Vegeta turns to her, as Gohan's mouth drops to the floor.

"I'm not going with him!", Vegeta snaps, pointing at Gohan.

"I'm not going with him!", Gohan yells, pointing at Vegeta.

"I am not taking orders from Kakarot's brat!"

"I'm not partnering myself with a known psychopath!"

Bulma glares at them both…and they both step back, hands up defensively.

"Yes, ma'am," they both say, downcast.

"Good," she says, "I'll have Vegeta's costume made up by 7:30. Get him then. And come back _late._"

She storms back into the house. Vegeta grumbles, sitting in the gravity chamber's wreckage, and Gohan places his fingers to his forehead, and teleports home.

"Vegeta?"

Gohan sighs, sitting by Videl's bedside as she glares are him, through the haze of flu medication and medicated tea.

"It's not like I had a choice," he says, "Do _you_ want to argue with Bulma?"

"No. Good point."

"Besides, it won't be too bad. Vegeta's a great fighter, although a bit egotistical-"

"A _bit?_"

"Alright, _very_ egotistical," he says, and sighs, "It's not like I had a choice."

"I'll remember that. You should get going to pick up your new partner."

He nods, pecking her on the forehead.

"I'll see you tonight," he says, "Don't wait up."

He walks out of the bedroom, as she sighs.

_They should get along fine…_

And she knows just how badly she's deluding herself.

The entire costume is dark blue and black. It's his saiyan armor, the bodysuit black, the armor dark blue, with a black cloak around it and a mask over his hair and eyes.

'The Prince Saiyaman' Bulma called it. Like Vegeta's ego needs more stroking.

"Alright," Gohan says, fixing his costume's red cape as they stand atop another apartment building, "Let's get this straight. I'm in charge."

"It would do you well to presume that you do not have authority over me, brat," Vegeta growls.

"Vegeta, would it _kill_ you to go one night without calling me 'brat'? I'm twenty years old, I _am_ more powerful than you, so kindly drop the regal attitude and follow my orders!"

"How _dare you!_ I am your Prince!"

"Technically?", Gohan asks, calm, "No. You're not."

"What?"

"Vegeta, you know as well as I do that my mother runs my life," Gohan says, "So if any side of me is dominant, it's my human side. So you're not my Prince."

He folds his arms, narrowing his eyes.

"Furthermore," he says, "This whole regal attitude is getting pathetic. You have _no_ subjects. My Dad is too dense to even realize someone rules over him, I don't see myself as a Saiyajin, and your best bet is Goten, but good luck getting past Mom."

Vegeta's eyes go wide, and he looks down.

And Gohan pats his back as he collapses against him and starts crying.

"There, there," he says, "You can still rule over Bra and lord over Trunks. That's it, let it all out. You're a good prince…"

After an hour of Vegeta baring his feelings and how he only wanted to be a good prince and live up to his image of his father, they arrive at a warehouse where CB radio said there was a hostage situation in progress.

Vegeta was less than patient.

"Enough of this," he barks, rising up, spreading his hands out.

His aura flashes gold and a sphere appears in front of him.

"Final Fla-"

Gohan flies up, grabbing him in a bear hug.

"Wrong strategy, damn it!", he yells, "We like to _save_ civilians, right?"

"Hr…"

"Right?"

"Well…"

"_Right?!_"

"…er, we do."

"Good Prince. Now, let's try to go _in_ the building, and _not_ blow it up."

He backs away, grabbing Vegeta's shoulder and placing his fingers on his forehead.

They both disappear, reappearing inside the building, on an empty floor as they see the hostages tied to chairs, their captors, armed with machine guns, pacing about.

"Alright," Gohan whispers, "The people in the chairs, we save."

"Right," Vegeta says, and sneers, "Who is my worthy adversary?"

"Um…all of them."

Vegeta grins.

"Excellent…"

He casually steps off the floor, dropping to the ground, cracking the wood floor to splinters as he stands.

The criminals open fire, the bullets deflecting off his blue ki shield, as Gohan moves at invisible speeds to untie the hostages, carrying them all to the door.

Vegeta looks around as the criminals run out of ammo, reloading…and furrows his brow.

"Boy!", he yells, "I was told they would be worthy opponents! None of them even have a power level over five!"

Gohan freezes, carrying the last hostage, an attractive young woman who he happens to be holding up by the ass. He turns to Vegeta, who starts tensing, growling.

And one single thought comes to his mind, and translated as his words.

"I knew I was going to regret this."

Gohan carries all the hostages out at once, as the building starts shaking, all the windows shattering like a balloon popped from the inside out.

"Everybody down!", he screams, leaping behind a car and dropping all the hostages to the ground, all of them ducking like it was an air raid drill.

And the warehouse shatters in an explosion of gold. Gohan peaks his head up, to see Vegeta standing in the wreckage, holding one of the criminals by the collar, his cloak shredded and his hair glowing gold, already ascended to his Level 2 Super Saiyan form.

"Why can't I just listen to Mom," he asks himself, climbing over the car, "Why can't I listen to my fiance? Why can't I listen to myself, and acknowledge that it's not a good idea to bring a psychopath with me on crime fighting missions?"

"Who are you talking to, boy?", the Saiyan prince demands.

"I'm talking to myself," Gohan says, prying the criminal, who has already defecated in his pants, from Vegeta's hands, "Because out of the two of us, _I'm the sane one!_"

"I was lied to, brat!"

"Great Saiyaman!"

"Brat!"

"Great Saiyaman!"

"_Brat!_"

"_Great Saiyaman!_"

"_BRAT!_"

Gohan grabs Vegeta by the collar, pulling him within breathing distance and looking him straight in the eyes.

"Call me brat one more time," he says, low and tense, "And I use your head to make holes for my fence poles. Take a look at my power level and tell me I can't do that."

Vegeta snarls, narrowing his eyes.

"…brat."

A red aura rises around Gohan, as he lets go of Vegeta…

And he starts cracking his knuckles, snarling.

"Alright, your Royal Pain in the Ass," he says, "You _asked_ for it."

"Take your best shot, boy," Vegeta says with an evil grin, stepping back into a fighting stance, "If I cannot defeat your father yet, his son will do!"

Vegeta charges, swinging his fist with the force that can shatter a continent…

And Gohan catches it.

"Arrogant…"

He kicks Vegeta square in the crotch.

"Self-centered…"

He headbutts Vegeta, giving him a nose bleed.

"Egotistical..."

He slugs Vegeta in the stomach.

"Asshole!"

He tosses Vegeta up, stepping back and lowering his power level to the mid-thousands.

He waits, as Vegeta begins to descend, stepping back and chambering his fists.

"Ka…me…ha…me…"

He points his hands at Vegeta, as he falls down, almost on top of him.

"HA!"

Vegeta yells as the blast hits him, and sends him flying off into the distance.

Gohan takes off his sunglasses, whistling.

"I think he'll end up somewhere in the Philippines," he says, "I should go rescue him."

He checks his watch.

"Ah, I'll go tomorrow. Bulma doesn't want him back home, yet."

He then ties up the criminals, and flies back to his patrol, whistling all the way.

Videl mutters, rolling over in bed, and sees Gohan walking through the door.

"Back so soon?", she asks, "It's only ten."

"Patrol ended early," he responds, "So did the hostage situation. So I did a couple of sweeps, smacked around a troupe of bank robbers, and did a check on the prisons."

"What is it with you and blowing up warehouses?"

"Wasn't my fault," he says, hands up defensively, "I gotta find a new partner for tomorrow."

"What about Yamcha?"

"Less than optimistic prospects."

"It's late and I took NyQuil. Use small words."

"Not a chance in HFIL."

"Okey-dokey," she mutters, asleep before she even closes her eyes.

He sighs, pecking her on the forehead, and gets ready for bed, himself.


	4. Night 3

Night 3:

Night 3:

Son Goku residence, 6:15 pm.

"No! No! No way in He-…HFIL."

Gohan is, at this point, sitting at the dinner table in his parents' house, staring down at his mother(never a good idea), while is brother, Goten, and Trunks are sitting on the couch, Bulma next to them.

"Gohan," Chi Chi says, "You know you want to spend more time with your little brother, so isn't this a perfect way to do so?"

Gohan groans, holding his head, and then looking back up at his mother.

"Mom," he says, "Please, listen to me. This isn't babysitting, this is taking my ten year old little brother out on a patrol of the city. The city is a dangerous place, and he could be hurt or injured."

"Goten can become a Super Saiyan," Chi Chi says, "Same as you could."

"Yes, he's bullet proof as a Super Saiyan, but he can't keep that way like I could," he says, and sighs, "Look, Goten can go Super Saiyan, but he never got the training Dad gave me in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. He doesn't know how to conserve his ki like Dad taught me."

"Then you just have to look out for him," Bulma says, "And for Trunks."

Gohan turns to Bulma, who shrugs.

_Oh no…_

Now he gets it.

He remembers, of course. Remembers the last time he went three months without getting Goten out of the house. When he finally _did_ take Goten with him and Videl to sleep over, Dad ended up in the hospital with friction burn.

_Do it for Dad, Gohan…_

That's what the look on her face says.

"Alright," he says with a heavy groan, "Fine."

Chi Chi's face lights up with a smile, as Gohan slowly stands.

"Alright," he says, "But they're not going with me on a patrol. I can't take two ten year olds with me around the city like this."

"That's easy, big brother!", Goten says, hopping off the couch.

Trunks hops off the couch, as the two pre-pubescents stand side-to-side.

"And how's that?", Gohan asks.

"Because you won't be going with Goten!"

"You won't be going with Trunks!"

A feeling of dread comes over Gohan.

"You're gonna be going," they both say at once, and clasp hands together, bending at the side, "With…"

There's a flash of light and a small explosion of ki energy. And when the light clears, there's a single person standing where Goten and Trunks were.

"Gotenks!"

Gohan sighs, holding his head.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Videl lifts her head from the bowl of steaming chicken soup as the door opens, and her fiance, small purple-black haired boy in tow, walks in.

"Let me guess," she says, her nose stuffed to capacity, "They did the fusion dance and you instant transmitted home. How much longer until they separate and they break the sound barrier playing tag?"

"Long enough," Gohan says with a sigh, and looks at Gotenks, "Alright, explain to my _why_ I'm taking you along with me?"

"Simple, big brother," Gotenks says, "Because we're more powerful than you."

"You're also an egotist who makes my skin crawl," Gohan says, folding his arms.

"Why's that?"

"Because you're like what would happen if Dad and Vegeta had a kid."

Gotenks screws his face in confusion, counting off his fingers.

"Your parents wanted the night alone, didn't they?", Videl asks.

"Oooh, yeah. I'm babysitting. Should I take Kid Wonderboy out patrolling with me?"

She shrugs.

"Gotenks," she says.

The fusion turns to her.

"Go Super Saiyan and you get a cookie."

Gotenks screams, going Super Saiyan level 3, the shockwave throwing Gohan out of the living room and into the kitchen and into the open refrigerator, which closes on him.

"Good boy," she says, and starts eating her soup.

"Fine," Gohan says, twenty minutes later, picking pieces of chicken pot pie out of his hair, "You can go with me."

Gotenks nods…

And shimmers, before reverting to Goten and Trunks.

They look to each other, shrug, clasp hands and turn back into Gotenks.

"Do you have any idea how ridiculous that dance looks?", Gohan asks.

Gotenks looks on, blank faced.

"Alright," Gohan says, "First off. Do _not_ call me Gohan. It is Sir or Great Saiyaman, alright?"

"Got it, big brother."

Gohan narrows his eyes.

"Sir," Gotenks corrects.

"Secondly," Gohan says, "Put on a shirt. You look like you're auditioning for a boy band."

Gotenks nods, and runs out in a blur to the bedroom.

Videl looks on, sipping tea.

"How bad is this?", Gohan asks.

"I'd tell you, but you'd be pissy."

"I would not," he says with a wry smile, "You'd enjoying not having to babysit the Toddler God, aren't you?"

"Immensely. I'm enjoying this flu, from the bottom of my heart."

Gotenks walks out of the bedroom in a sweatshirt, shrugging.

"Fine," Gohan says, "Try not to rip it. Alright, Wonderboy. Let's go."

He places his hand on Gotenks' shoulder, and they both teleport out.

It went downhill from there.

It would start with Gohan spotting, say a mugger.

And then Gotenks would be there, grab the mugger, and hang him by his underwear from the top floor window or antennae of the nearest skyscraper.

Or there'd be a fight they get involved with, like some jokers with guns attacking someplace or another. They'd go in, start disabling them when Gotenks' watch would beep, telling him the fusion was almost over.

So he'd run off, leaving Gohan to get pummeled by 5 or so people in _power armor_, until they did the fusion dance and got back to the fight, by which time Gohan had gone to his Mystic mode and wrecked them himself.

And right now, after three hours of this, they're standing at the top of an apartment building near the pier, and Gohan has realized _why_ Mom didn't choose the intellectual path for his little bother.

"I wanna go beat up some more people!", Gotenks says, powering up to a level 1 Super Saiyan form, "That was fun as heck!"

"No," Gohan says, "I don't need your…help…right now, thank you very much."

"You're just jealous because I'm more efficient."

"You're better at giving atomic wedgies, squirt, not at managing your power or your skills," he says with a sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "In fact, I haven't even _seen_ you use techniques at all."

"Well what did you use?"

"I used the instant transmission, Piccolo taught me the Makkenkosappo, I used a small-scale tribeam to distract those three robbers and I used the Destructo Disk on those power suits. You just go headfirst into things!"

"I have techniques of my own!"

"Like _what?!_"

At that moment, with a burst of steaming water, a giant, cigar shaped battleship rises from the harbor, aiming guns at the city.

"Like this!", Gotenks yells, rising up into the air, "Renzouken Death Missiles!"

He fires off a series of hundreds of ki projectiles, peppering the side of the ship's hull and causing a series of small explosions in the metal.

"Oh, come on!", Gohan yells, rolling his eyes, "I could do that when I was 8! Let's see you do this! _Masenko ha!_"

He places his folded together hands in front of his forehead, and points them at the ship. A ball of ki flies out, rams into the bow and rips apart metal and circuitry with a burst of energy.

"Oh, wow, I'm _soooo_ impressed," Gotenks groans, "I don't _need_ to shout out the attack!"

He lazily points a hand at the ship and fires off a beam of energy, which rips off part of the hull and sends water spilling into the unmanned ship.

"Oh, yeah, that's great," Gohan says, "Watch this!"

He points one hand at the ship and releases a larger blast, ripping into the hull and destroying the turrets.

"Hah!", Gotenks yells, rising up, "That's nothing!"

He points both hands and releases a huge burst of energy.

Gohan points both hands and releases a larger burst, going Mystic.

And so it continues, until the remains of the ship sink into the harbor…

And they stare at it as it sinks.

"What did we just do?", Gotenks asks.

"Dunno," Gohan says, "But now we're going home."

Videl lazily opens an eye as Gohan walks into the bedroom, groaning.

"And?", she asks.

"Kid Wonderboy's staying with Krillin," he says, "If I have to put up with Gotenks anymore then I'll hang him from the school's flagpole by his hair."

"Sibling rivalry?"

"Goten's my brother. Gotenks is an egotist who makes Vegeta seem humble."

He pulls off his shirt, climbing into bed, pecking her lightly on the lips.

"How's your flu?", he asks.

"Not well enough for that," she says, snuggling up against him as he sighs, "So, I take it my future brother-in-law isn't accompanying you tomorrow?"

"Not a chance in HFIL."

"Ah…so, who's the lucky friend who'll commit mass destruction tomorrow?"

He sighs, lying back in bed.

"Dunno," he says, "Krillin'll take care of Goten and Trunks, but I don't know who…"

They look at each other for a moment. And he shrugs.

"Krillin it is, then," he says, and they go to sleep.


	5. Night 3.7

Night 3

Night 3.7

Son Goku Residence, Early Morning.

Chi Chi whistles to herself, stirring the pot for the morning's miso soup, tapping the pot with the wooden ladel and attending to the pot of rice.

The door opens, and Gohan walks in, in his normal teaching outfit. Chi Chi looks over and smiles.

"Hi, Mom," he says, "I had time before class so I wanted to come over."

"That's fine," she says, "Your father, Goten and I were about to sit down for breakfast. Want to join us?"

"Ah…no," Gohan says, scratching his head, "Mom, Videl and I are having sex."

"That's nice, dear."

"Very often."

"That's good. Keep it up and you'll make me a grandmother."

"Especially when we're over and babysitting for Goten. For some reason we're aroused whenever we're in my old bedroom or in the living room. Did I tell you that the discoloration on the couch is when Videl and I were really into it and I pulled out too soon? We panicked and used bleach to clean it up."

She smiles.

"That's wonderful. Thank you for coming clean about that."

"In fact, we play twisted sex games, to," he continues, "We even dress up in our costumes. Sometimes I use other costumes Bulma gave me and we do even weirder things, such as I pretend that I'm Mirai Trunks and she's 18 of his timeline, or that we're a pair of American comic book heroes, Batman and Robin."

"Your father and I do the same thing. How do you think you were conceived?"

She puts down the ladel, turning.

"Honey!", she yells, "Gohan wants to see how we made him!"

Gohan wakes up in a cold sweat, eyes snapping open.

"Where'd that come from?", he asks himself, quietly enough so not to wake Videl. He sits up, climbing out of bed, wrapping his bathrobe around himself and walking out and into the kitchen.

Where the Hell did that idea come from?

Well, he once asked Mom about that…

Chi Chi chops vegetables, Gohan sitting at the table, several weeks ago, visiting during his lunch hour from school via Instant Transmission.

"Mom?", he asks.

"Yes, Gohan?"

"What's your take on premarital sex?"

Chi Chi tenses, gripping the knife in one hand.

"Why do you ask?", she asks between clenching teeth.

Gohan swallows, hard.

"No reason," he squeaks, "Did I mention Videl and I have sworn off any physical contact until after we're married?"

Gohan groans, holding his head. Wasn't like they haven't had close calls. And he was right, for some reason they got even worse when they babysat, especially after Goten's supposed to be _asleep!_

"Oh, Videl…"

"Oh, Gohan…"

"Oh, Kami, Videl…"

"God, Gohan…"

"Oh, GROSS!"

Gohan chokes, looking up, seeing his pajama-clad little brother standing in the doorway of the living room, having spotted him and Videl…

More importantly, having spotted him atop Videl, on the living room couch, half naked.

"I'm telling Mom and Dad!", Goten says, walking out.

"Oh NO YOU'RE NOT!!", Gohan yells, zipping up his pants, and runs after his brother.

It took five pounds of chocolate to convince Goten that what he saw was Gohan and Videl play-fighting.

Gohan groans, burying his head in his arms.

"How the HFIL did my life get like this?", he asks himself, "Could be worse. Could be much worse. Could it?"

The phone rings. He groans, walking over to the phone, and picks it up.

"Hello? Son Gohan speaking."

"_Hey, Gohan! It's Krillin!_"

"Krillin? Hey, what's up? How're the kids?"

"_Juuhachigou told them that if they didn't shut up she'd use their intestines to make violins. She's been having a bad day._"

"And I believe you, to."

"_I'm that convincing. I heard Videl's sick. How's she doing?_"

"Just a flu, but that means I'm without help."

"_Been trying replacements?_"

"Yeah."

"_Who?_"

"Dad. But, well…he's Dad."

"_Yeah, I can sympathize._"

"Then I tried Vegeta."

"_Bulma just fished him out of the Pacific._"

"She did?"

"_Yeah. You're making us old-timer's proud._"

"And tonight, well…you're taking care of him."

"_Gotenks? Damn, surprised you could stand him._"

"I couldn't, which is why I sent the toddler demigods over to you. I need a sidekick for tonight, and…"

"_I get it. Just like old times?_"

"Without everyone and their buddies beating us within an inch of our lives."

"_Ha, ha. At least we're not Yamcha._"

"Don't go there. Okay, so, head over to Capsule Corp. Bulma will fit you with a costume and I'll meet you around seven."

"_Got it, Gohan. Seeya tonight._"

The phone hangs up. Gohan smiles, putting it back on the receiver.

"I feel bad for Yamcha," he says, taking the phone and dialing his number.

The phone rings six times, and clicks as the answering machine comes on.

"_Hi. This is Yamcha. I'm either not here or I died fighting my way out of a wet paper bag and am currently on Snake Way because Goku got King Kai's place blown to bits and I have nowhere to go. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you, or if I'm dead, get the Dragon Balls and wish me back. Thank you. BEEP!_"

Gohan looks at the phone, and shrugs, hanging it up.

"Remind me to get him some Prozac," he says, and walks back to bed.


	6. Night 4

Night 4

Night 4

Kame House, 3 pm.Somewhere in a body of water that no one's given a damn about the name of.

"Ka…me…hame…HA!"

The shockwave of the released chi blast parts the water, as the blue-white burst of energy flies off into the distance.

Krillin, one of the most seasoned of the Z-Senshi, and the second shortest of them, stands still for a moment, his hands still in the open-clam position in front of him, his aura fading around him.

"Okay…that one had a bit more distance," he says, "Got to work on the power, though…that was barely city damaging."

He chambers his hands at his right again, concentrating…

"Kame…hame…h-"

With a blur of motion, Gohan appears in front of him…and his eyes go wide as the blast releases.

From orbit, one could see the blast that consumes half of the coast of Master Roshi's island, sending tidal waves flying from the island to die off in the middle of the sea.

As the smoke clears and the tremors stop on the next continent over, Master Roshi, once premier martial artist and now career drunk, charges out of the front door.

"What the HFIL is going on out there?!", the bearded, sunglasses wearing man demands, his aura of gin working side-by-side with his aura of chi, "Oh…it's you two.Man, Gohan, you spend so much time here that if I didn't hear Krillin and 18 going at it I'd think you two were lovers."

"Master Roshi, considering you try to convince 18 to let you join in, I think it's a safe bet we're not."

Krillin starts to turn.

"Gohan, are you alrigh-…hoo, boy."

Gohan coughs out smoke, dusting off his white buttoned shirt, or what remains of it.

"Class ended early," he says, "So, did you contact Bulma, yet?"

"Yeah.I was just training before I'd head on over.Been a while since I've been fighting."

"Krillin, we're not going out to pick a fight with Cell or Buu or Frieza-"

"Who I could proudly kick the ass of."

"Krillin, considering how much everyone's power has increased over the years, your daughter could kick Frieza's ass," Gohan says, placing a hand on the midget monk's shoulder, "We're fighting muggers, criminals, basically people who pick on people weaker and more vulnerable than they are."

"Ah.Like the Ginyu force."

"Who, again, your daughter could beat."

"Well, she does take after her mother," Krillin responds, "So, let's go get over to Capsule corp and get me my superhero gear!Whatayasay we go flying?"

"Bulma's a stickler for time today," Gohan responds, placing his fingers to his forehead, "So…"

The world around them blurs, fades away, and becomes the backyard of the Capsule Corporation main residence…

"And here's the parts so you can BUILD YOUR OWN DAMN GRAVITY CHAMBER!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY YOU STUPID BAKA!"

Gohan and Krillin stand stock-still as a loudly bickering Vegeta and Bulma storm out of the Capsule Corp building, Trunks following them as if by an afterthought.

The two stop when they see Gohan, and Trunks walks right into his father, and then speeds away.

"I am NOT taking him tonight," Gohan says, pointing at Vegeta.

Vegeta scowls, folding his arms.Krillin looks around, calmly stepping behind Gohan.

"Baka," the saiyan prince mutters, and walks back into the residence.

Bulma shakes her head, turning to the new arrivals.

"Alright, here for your fitting, right?", Bulma asks.

"Yep," Krillin responds, "And…try not to humiliate me like you did Goku?"

Gohan chuckles, faintly…and steps back as he sees the wide smile on Bulma's face.He leans in to Krillin, trying to mouth and apology…and shrugs.

"Eh, she's fine," he lies.

"Someone's going to die for this."

Gohan collapses against the couch, laughing, Trunks trying to keep his amusement in check as Bulma stares daggers at them both.

Meanwhile, Krillin stands at the living room's entrance, dressed in a black, one piece torso covering black bathing suit with an M covering his chest and stomach, with his legs and arms exposed except for the bracelets on his arms and the boots on his feet.

"You're acting like I'm joking," Krillin responds, adjusting the mask that covers his entire face except his eyes and mouth, "I mean it.What the HFIL is this?!"

"It's your costume," Bulma says, rolling her eyes, "I made it from scratch, so I'd appreciate some positive feedback."

"T…then what's the M for?", Gohan asks between chuckles.

"His name."

"And what's that?", Trunks asks.

"…Mighty Mite."

Krillin buries his head in his hand, groaning.

"Oh, it's not that bad!", Bulma yells, "It's not like you gave me much time!"

"Mom's been going through my comic collection," Trunks says with a grin.

Krillin pulls up his boots, stretching out his arms.

"I feel like a bondage midget," he mutters, "Alright, Gohan, we're not going to get me looking any more decent."

Gohan shrugs, jumping up off the couch.He nods, looking over Krillin…and stops, looking at his back.

"Bulma, are those handles?"

The lavender-haired scientist nods.

"Why?", Krillin asks.

"For easy throwing."

Krillin groans, slumping his shoulders.Gohan rolls his eyes, shrugs, and teleports them both out.

Bulma taps her foot for a long moment.She looks to Trunks, folding her arms.

"Mom," Trunks cautiously says, "That was just _mean…_"

An alleyway erupts in a pillar of yellow chi-energy as Krillin yells out in rage, releasing blasts of energy at a group of muggers and collapsing portions of walls on them.

"Alright, who _else_ wants to make a crack?!", the monk demands.

Gohan leans against one of the cracked walls, shaking his head.

It's become painfully obvious Krillin hasn't gotten any, lately.

It's not just that he's tossing muggers and attackers around like ragdolls, not that he's twisted their escape cars into sailors knots, and not just that he's screaming his attacks awfully loud.

It's that the spandex is too form fitting.He can _see_ Krillin is getting aroused by this.

It's something he _just doesn't need to know._

Gohan rolls his eyes, looking skyward and rubbing the bridge of his nose under his sunglasses.It's not like he's any _worse_ than his other fill-in partners.He just knows him well enough to know that this was a bad idea to begin with…

Which is when something in the back of his head goes off.Like a light switch being turned on.

Krillin turns, eyes narrowed, obvious that he felt it, as well.

"Ah.Son G…forgive me, Great Saiyaman.It is good you keep a relatively high profile.Us appearing at your house would most likely cause a stir."

With a blur of motion and crackle of blue mystic power, a purple skinned, short man in a violet tunic and lavender arm and leg clothing appears, his white hair waving slightly as he touches the ground.With a similar display, a huge man, with similar clothes and skin and with long white hair appears, their earrings glowing with the little light of the alleyway.

"Kaioshin?", Gohan asks, startled.

The God Above Gods nods, smiling faintly.

"Your planet has done well in the intervening years," he responds, "We have been monitoring you.A job well done, especially with your work."

Kibito says nothing, hands clasped behind his back, simply looking at his smaller charge.

"Wait," Krillin says, "Weren't you two fused?I thought the earrings-fusion doesn't wear off…"

"You try to say there is something we cannot do," Kaioshin says, "The term 'impossible' is not one that can be ascribed to us.We decided that we would be unfused, and it was done."

Gohan nods, and shrugs.

"Okay, good enough for me," he says, "I'm going to take a logic leap and presume there's a reason you've come back to Earth, and I'm going to guess that it's not a good one."

Kaioshin leaves the ground, floating up to Gohan's eye level.

"We haven't determined why we're here just yet," he responds, "But we are wary.We were told something…familiar is here, a joining of two essences that should not be joined.We are monitoring the situation and we will inform you if it is not something we can handle on our own.Kibito, come."

Kibito nods, his eyes glowing.

And the two deities disappear, leaving Gohan, Krillin, and the unconscious criminals alone.

"Well, that caps off my night," Gohan says, "I'm going home."

"Same," Krillin responds.

And the two fly off in opposite directions.


End file.
